Nobody could blame you for not going to Coachella. It’s an exorbitantly expensive see-and-be-seen wasteland full of categorically bad people where a preposterous quota of drugs and connections is requisite for having a good time. Or at least that’s what we’re telling ourselves as we stream this divisive desert hootenanny into our (somehow, still cold) offices and domiciles as we otherwise proceed through the motions of our meaningless East Coast lives, knowing deep in our hearts that no truly good Mexican food is available shy of a thousand miles away. Fuck you, Indio.
But I digress, East Coasters: here’s how you can make the best of it. Keep your eyes and earbuds peeled for these acts on Day 1 of Coachella – depending on the kind of night you’re planning on having, you may be able to fit one or two of these performances into your schedule. It’ll be almost as fun to watch on a screen as it will be to experience in person while eating a $17 taco like, seriously, just a few feet away from Gigi Hadid.
When: 11:10 PM PST; 2:10 AM ET
Okay, unless you’re a major Murphy Head, you probably don’t have this marked on your calendar to pipe in at 2 in the morning. But let’s say you’re just getting back from the bars around that time and you want to keep Friday alive for a few more minutes (which is actually kind of the entire LCD Soundsystem aesthetic). Well, there are definitely worse things to watch than this, the official return of the Pitchfork generation’s Frankenstein. Following a few beta-test shows in NYC, this is the band’s first high-profile foray back onto the stage, so if you want the hits – they’re really going to do hits. And who knows, you might even see a special guest or two (Win Butler? Axl Rose? Kermit?).
When: 6:05 PM PST; 9:05 PM ET
DC’s Gallant is a soul singer of seemingly limitless ability, but ability can only take you so far without savvy…which Gallant also seems to possess, in spades. Instead of hitching his wagon to the trad-soul star, a crowded room these days with artists like Leon Bridges filling the nostalgia gap, he opted to make friends with electro-house wiz ZHU, and thus began carving out a niche all is own with a synth-soaked take on alternative R&B. So why should you tune in to see him live? Well, this was recorded in one take. If you’re having a chill night in, this is the performance to watch.
When: 10:05 PM PST; 1:05 AM
I had to Google “umlaut,” copy a lowercase ü, and then paste it into the document I’m working on in order to write this blurb, so you better believe that I’m committed to the idea that this set by Diplo and Skrillex is going to be highly watchable. Will the entire Jack Ü Crew be present? It’s possible: Mr. Bieber, whose hair is still very much out here giving us Napster-era nu-metal realness, has a break in his Purpose World Tour through the 19th. Take control of the entertainment around 1 AM at whatever party you may be attending tonight and put this sucker on. Fuck an umlaut.